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When it comes to apocalypse and planet-wide destruction, there seem to be no shortage of details on the when and how and why, with some “prophets” saying they are certain the world will come to a halt on this day or that. Most prophets of doom come from a religious perspective, though the secular crowd has caused its share of scares as well. One thing the doomsday scenarios tend to share in common: They don’t come to pass.
The Prophet Hen of Leeds, 1806
History has countless examples of people who have proclaimed that the return of Jesus Christ is imminent, but perhaps there has never been a stranger messenger than a hen in the English town of Leeds in 1806. It seems that a hen began laying eggs on which the phrase “Christ is coming” was written. As news of this miracle spread, many people became convinced that doomsday was at hand — until a curious local actually watched the hen laying one of the prophetic eggs and discovered someone had hatched a hoax.
A New England farmer named William Miller, after several years of very careful study of his Bible, concluded that God’s chosen time to destroy the world could be divined from a strict literal interpretation of scripture. As he explained to anyone who would listen, the world would end some time between March 21, 1843 and March 21, 1844. He preached and published enough to eventually lead thousands of followers (known as Millerites), who decided that the actual date was April 23, 1843. Many sold or gave away their possessions, assuming they would not be needed; though when April 23 arrived (but Jesus didn’t), the group eventually disbanded — some of them forming what is now the Seventh Day Adventists.
Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church, called a meeting of his church leaders in February 1835 to tell them that he had spoken to God recently, and during their conversation he learned that Jesus would return within the next 56 years, after which the End Times would begin promptly.
In 1881, an astronomer discovered through spectral analysis that comet tails include a deadly gas called cyanogen (related, as the name implies, to cyanide). This was of only passing interest until someone realized that Earth would pass through the tail of Halley’s comet in 1910. Would everyone on the planet be bathed in deadly toxic gas? That was the speculation reprinted on the front pages of The New York Times and other newspapers, resulting in a widespread panic across the United States and abroad. Finally even-headed scientists explained that there was nothing to fear.
Photo above of Halley’s Comet was taken Jan. 13,1986, by James W. Young, resident astronomer of JPL’s Table Mountain Observatory in the San Bernardino Mountains, using the 24-inch reflective telescope.
In May 1980, televangelist and Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson startled and alarmed many when — contrary to Matthew 24:36 (“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven …”) he informed his “700 Club” TV show audience around the world that he knew when the world would end. “I guarantee you by the end of 1982 there is going to be a judgment on the world,” Robertson said.
When comet Hale-Bopp appeared in 1997, rumors surfaced that an alien spacecraft was following the comet — covered up, of course, by NASA and the astronomical community. Though the claim was refuted by astronomers (and could be refuted by anyone with a good telescope), the rumors were publicized on Art Bell’s paranormal radio talk show “Coast to Coast AM.” These claims inspired a San Diego UFO cult named Heaven’s Gate to conclude that the world would end soon. The world did indeed end for 39 of the cult members, who committed suicide on March 26, 1997.
As the last century drew to a close, many people grew concerned that computers might bring about doomsday. The problem, first noted in the early 1970s, was that many computers would not be able to tell the difference between 2000 and 1900 dates. No one was really sure what that would do, but many suggested catastrophic problems ranging from vast blackouts to nuclear holocaust. Gun sales jumped and survivalists prepared to live in bunkers, but the new millennium began with only a few glitches.
The heavily obfuscated and metaphorical writings of Michel de Nostrdame have intrigued people for over 400 years. His writings, the accuracy of which relies heavily upon very flexible interpretations, have been translated and re-translated in dozens of different versions. One of the most famous quatrains read, “The year 1999, seventh month / From the sky will come great king of terror.” Many Nostradamus devotees grew concerned that this was the famed prognosticator’s vision of Armageddon.
In May 2011, radio preacher Harold Camping drew international media attention with his predictions that Judgment Day would come on May 21, kicked off by earthquakes around the global and a rapture of the faithful. According to Camping, this dreadful day would be followed by months of torment and the end of the world on Oct. 21.
When May 21 passed quietly, Camping retreated from the limelight for a brief time before announcing that Judgment Day had, in fact, come and gone on that date. Instead of physical earthquakes, Camping wrote on the website of his radio station, Family Radio, May 21 brought spiritual earthquakes, and God completed judging souls. Now Camping contends that the end of the world will indeed come on Oct. 21, albeit quietly and without fire and brimstone.
Well it is 12/22/2012 So for now Nuff said LMFAO
Opps NO apocalypse Did you really Call out sick from work with a case of End of Days Blues? and now your wondering why you got Fired! lmfao
Opps NO apocalypse you Put all my money on red in Atlantic city! LMFAO So Jack any good ideas for the world NOT ending lol
Opps NO apocalypse I guess Telling everyone exactly what I think about them. was a bad idea now
Opps NO apocalypse But seeing you run around Wearing your underwear on the outside of your pants – was really fun
Opps NO apocalypse Yes you should be Embarrassed for Wearing pink spandex and a head band,dancing around as if You was Olivia Newton John
Opps NO apocalypse I bet you feel pretty silly now after Calling the President and asking if there are any seats left on Spaceship
Opps NO apocalypse Maybe Spending all your money – could have been a bad idea, But now you got every gadget you ever wanted and then some
Opps NO apocalypse I guess Taking all your close off and streaking through the streets of your local town. Wasn’t such a great Idea
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Updated after the jump with a detailed layout of the bunker’s different rooms, including “co-ed glass shower inclosure decontamination units.” Aww yeah.
Originally posted September 8 at 12:15 p.m.
The May 21 “Rapture” passed without incident — mostly just an excuse to party and make fun of religious extremists. And the December 21, 2012 apocalypse, the second leg of Harold Camping’s predictions, is promising much of the same.
One L.A. porn studio in particular, Pink Visual in Van Nuys, is taking a giant leap of faith — or, more likely, a giant leap of PR genius — in hopes of “riding out the 2012 apocalypse in style.”
Spokesman Quentin Boyer tells the Weekly that 1,200 to 1,500 very important persons will be allowed into an “enormous underground bunker” beneath the studio on the night in question. It will include, according to the company’s zany presser, “multiple fully-stocked bars, an enormous performing stage and sophisticated content production studio.”
But from there, says Boyer, anything goes.
“If nothing else, it’ll be a fantastic one-night party, after which well emerge from underground, red-faced, to go home, and the company will be left behind with the coolest bunker known to man.”
ViceWay ahead of you: Apocalypse porn “Final Flesh” was released in 2009.
Can guests have crazed, last-man-and-woman-on-Earth sex, right out in the open?, we ask. (You’re welcome.)
“Inevitably, I suppose, that will happen,” he answers. “It’s hard to say how people would respond to an actual apocalypse. [But] we’re not ones to tell people not to have sex.”
Boyer adds that Pink Visual is still debating how to select the chosen few invitees. “It’s probably going to be a combo of merit-based — what sort of skill set can you bring down with you? — and a lottery that favors our fans and members,” he says. Probably also biased toward applicants sans HIV.
But we can assure you: Jesus does not necessarily have to be your savior. In fact, a
Baby Jesus butt plug might position you best for survival, in the freaky confines of this alterna-Doomsday.
In addition to commonfolk, Pink Visual is working on recruiting professional talent. “We’ve talked to a couple people,” says Boyer. “They responded with, ‘Really?’ We have some convincing to do.”
Camping is no doubt rolling over in his hospital cot right now. The sacrilege! Out here in Porn Capital USA, though, we’re loving this new approach to adult-video PR; we were admittedly getting a little tired of the constant celebrity offers by Vivid. (And Pink Visual has been guilty of the same. Ahem, “Conan the Boobarian”?)
Updates to come as we get more details about the architecture of the bunker party. “We’re still working on oxygen, that kind of thing,” says Boyer. Details, details!
Update: CBS LA reports that construction has begun. Without further ado, here’s the bunker’s floor plan so far (click to enlarge):
Pink Visual has some more flowery press-releasage on its own site, e.g.: “Our goal is nothing less than to survive the apocalypse to come in comfort and luxury, whether that catastrophe takes the form of fireballs flung Earthward by an all-seeing deity, extended torrential rainfall, Biblical rapture, an earthquake-driven mega-tsunami, radioactive flesh-eating zombies, or some combination of the above.”
And yada yada. Given last night’s creepy falling fireball thing, though, those Village People construction-worker strippers (at least, that’s how we prefer to imagine them) might want to start digging faster.
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LOS ANGELES (CBS) — A San Fernando Valley adult entertainment studio began construction this month on what it calls a “post-apocalyptic” underground bunker in anticipation of a global catastrophe rumored to take place in late 2012.
A spokesman for Van Nuys-based Pink Visual said the bunker will be “far more than a mere bomb shelter or subterranean survivalist enclave” with amenities such as multiple fully-stocked bars, an enormous performing stage and a sophisticated content production studio.
“Our goal is nothing less than to survive the apocalypse to come in comfort and luxury,” said Pink Visual spokesman Quentin Boyer, “whether that catastrophe takes the form of fireballs flung earthward by an all-seeing deity, extended torrential rainfall, Biblical rapture, an earthquake-driven mega-tsunami, radioactive flesh-eating zombies, or some combination of the above.”
The studio’s website will also be maintained and updated throughout any potential disaster “even if those websites are only available on the bunker’s self-contained local network by that time,” Boyer added.
He declined to give the exact location of the bunker over “security concerns”.
The studio is currently working out details on the selection criteria for all non-Pink Visual personnel who they will allow to take refuge in the bunker, but Boyer said it will “likely include both merit-based and random selections, with Pink Visual performers, active site members and Twitter followers getting priority over the general public.”
Although no set number was provided, LA Weekly reported anywhere from 1,200 to 1,500 people will be allowed into the bunker by its planned completion date of September 2012.
So if you want to ride out the apocalypse in decadence and luxury, follow Pink Visual on Twitter for more details.
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You live in Arizona when.
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel.
3. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
6. “Dress Code” is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads.
7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never find a town.
8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
10. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
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Liz Vicious Asks How can it be dirty if it’s in the shower?
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A Liz Vicious Public serviced announcement: I just masturbated outside.
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Top 10 Halloween Phrases That Sound Dirty
10. She’s a goblin!
9. I’d like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag….OH! You’re having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
5. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I’ll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth…
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He’s got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
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Top 10 Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10. You’re guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
3. It doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. You have less guilt the next morning.
1. IF YOU DON’T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
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Dear Parents your kids should feel this way about YOU!
Never really being sure if your TAPED in there watching mwahaahaahaa…
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